Little is much when God is in it. Much is a little when your on your own.
The Time For Tap Dancing Is At An End Feindish Piggy!
Some guy?.....I never get credit for anything......
I was happy, but now I wanna hurl bricks at a house!
Dude, if you like Elbows, Boobies are gonna blow your mind!
Yes, it’s true, I use the guitar to hide my gut...But I also know how to play it...
Bushes are nice cuz they don’t have prickers. Unless they do. This one did. Ouch!
I Have Made It With A Women! Inform The Men!
Mooning is only illegal if you don’t speak german!
Why did you stop at a Red light and let me hit you doing 80?
In a world of 31 flavors, You are the water they wash the scoop in.
Dinner with me...I can not cancel that again...
I can't be held responsible for what MY goons are ordered to do!
People are bastard coated bastards with bastard fillings
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I have the kinda breasts you wanna push together to make me look like a cross eyed torso!!!
How dare I say this Sh!t in front of your Fu(king Kids!!!
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